Erotic massage is tender, intimate stimulation and touch of the body, where the receiver can experience heightened sexual feelings, without the need to have sexual intercourse.
Does erotic massage do us good?
In a nutshell, yes, it does. Erotic massage causes your body to produce large amounts of Oxytocin. Oxytocin has different effects in men and women. In men, it is instrumental in the contraction of the Vas Deferens.
The Vas Deferens is a sperm duct. It’s a muscular tube, which connects from a man’s epididymis, to his pelvic cavity, behind the bladder. It’s connected to his urethra via the ejaculatory duct.
In females, Oxytocin promotes uterine contractions during childbirth, and stimulates the contractions of the breast tissue to aid in lactation.
This can greatly reduce stress, both physically, and mentally. Oxytocin is one of the Endorphins our bodies produce, which are natural, drug-free pain-killers. These are produced in abundance, especially during erotic massage.
Erotic massage is a beautiful, explorative, experience. It’s an excellent way to discover our sexual energy, and sexual side, in greater depth than perhaps we might ordinarily.
Why some fear erotic massage
We often fear having erotic massage. Because, over many years, erotic massage has, among other subjects, where sexuality is involved, become a social taboo. I was, ironically, a few years ago, specking with my GP about this. She, like me, felt that we should speak about sex more than other subjects.
We’d all save a great deal of our lives being unhappy and uncertain, instead, more fulfilled, happier to talk about something we enjoy, and would be much more likely to find our almost perfect partners earlier on in life. But we don’t. We are afraid to discuss it, because we expend far too much energy, worrying about what other people around us might think. All because of social norms.
The following scenario is quite worryingly common. I’d just finished a massage with a rather beautiful young man. As he was getting dressed, after having a bath, he said,
“I’m going to be really red-faced on the train, now.”
“Really?” I enquired. Why’s that?”
“Everyone will know what I’ve just had, won’t they?”
“How will they know? I never, ever discuss massage with anyone else, nobody but you and I know. I certainly won’t be telling anyone.”
“I just feel so guilty.”
“Do you have a partner?”
“No. I just feel really guilty. I’ve absolutely loved every second of what I’ve had with you. I just know everyone will be sniggering at me, now.”
What could I say to reassure him? Where did all the anxiety, and guilt come from? It can only have it’s foundation on how he perceived people would regard him. I feel genuinely sorry for anyone who experiences this.
I can offer all the assurance of confidentiality in the world, but, sadly, this cannot prevent social morals interfering with someone’s true happiness.
Other similar situations are men who arrive, with their hoodies pulled up over their heads. It’s as though they feel they have to conceal themselves because of what they love to experience with me.
Again, these feelings are outside my control. Nobody knows why this happens, other than the unfortunate, and intense social expectations placed on how young men should maybe, behave. It has a very damaging, and deeply psychological impact on the mental health of otherwise happy, healthy, and normal men.
They consider themselves looked at, different, ashamed to be themselves. All because of the social lack of acceptance with who someone happens to be, or where they’re at.
Benefits of erotic massage:
Some of the benefits of erotic massage are as follows.
- Boosting sexual stamina
- Improves your self-confidence
- Increased energy
- Helps in reducing Insomnia
- Can help you have better relationships with partners
- Enhances your immune response
Boosting sexual stamina:
Massage, in general, stimulates the whole nervous system. This naturally increases the body’s ability to produce sex hormones.
Erotic massage can, over a long period, enable you to have a great improvement in your sexual stamina. Instead of focussing on sexual arousal and going straight into ejaculation, the aim here is to enable you to bypass the tendency to rush headlong into wanting to cum. You can, over time, learn to separate full-body orgasms ( which are bloody wonderful) from ejaculation, which happens to be a completely involuntary muscular response.
You stamina will be well and truly improved when you learn to do this. It takes time, patience, both on your part and your therapist’s part. No pressure. No hurry. Just gradually increasing your awareness and control so you can last for as long as you want to. When you master that, you’ll be the best lover in the world!
Erotic massage is primarily intended to enable you to do this. It’s no good if you’re just feeling horny, and want to simply “get off.”
Improving your self-confidence:
If goes without saying, that being able to control your sexual self will lead to an increase in your self-confidence. You won’t be anxious when you want to have fun in the bedroom with your partner.
You’ll be able to last for ages. When we’re not able to last any length of time in bed at all, it is both frustrating for us as guys, and also for your partner, when you’re trying so hard to please them. So great crotch control = great self-confidence! You can be more confident with who you are, and not so shy and uncertain about your physical self.
We all need to have a form of escape from life’s madness and bustle. Massage is often used as a lovely way of being pampered. However, erotic massage goes up a whole new level.
When you can learn to control when you ejaculate, full body orgasms can cause your brain to produce stem-cells. These can begin to repair broken neural pathways, and renew cells that need it. It can be incredibly healing.
A good series of full-body orgasms are capable of correcting many poor alignment problems in your body. This is because your body can, during full-body orgasm, lose control, making you arch your back, convulse, shout, scream, laugh, shudder, kick, and the greatest effect can be felt in your head, and is utter bliss. Many men love full body orgasms so much, they actually prefer them to the brief one you feel in your loins when ejaculation takes place.
This increases the available energy in your body, and you find you have more that you realised. Conversely, when you finally ejaculate, it will blow your mind, and it will, when you actually do ejaculate, cause you to feel quite exhausted. So the longer you can last, the higher your energy levels will be.
Can help you have better relationships with partners:
Erotic massage can enable you to explore refreshing ways of achieving greater fulfilment and joy. You might find you learn something new about yourself, that you could share with your partner. You could even learn ways in which your partner could
Enhances your immune response:
Having regular massage reduces the amount of Cortisol, which is a major stress hormone in the human body. Your immune system is pushed much less hard when you have reduced Cortisol. Erotic massage floods your body with Dopamine, which makes you feel incredibly good.
It reduces and balances your production of Cortisol, which assists in relaxation, sleep, and immune system function. The more calm you can be, the better your immune system is able to fight off infections.
As previously mentioned near the beginning of this article, we also release Oxytocin. It’s often referred to as one of the Love hormones.
In many ways, erotic massage can be thought of as a life-saver. You can contact me if you’d like to book a session with me. You can then find out just how much good it could do for you. There have been several studies, which show that during sexual arousal, hormones (Oxytocin already mentioned), dopamine, Seratonin, and Norepinephrine, all enable us to cycle through deep sleep and non-deep REM sleep. During these sleep cycles, or immune systems release Cytokines. These are proteins responsible for targeting infection and inflammation. So having good sleep is vital for healthy immune responses.
Another thing about erotic massage is that it should have no outcomes. It should just beautifully unfold, with no preconceptions. Once anyone starts to have any kind of expectation, be it fantasy, or realistic, their state of relaxation, and perception of pleasure, is notably diminished.
This is because expectations cause us to start over-thinking. It limits our ability to relax into just exploring what we’re feeling at the time. It can then become selfish, and the focus is no longer on personal relaxation and enjoyment for its own sake.
It turns something from being absolutely beautiful and magical into something that must have an outcome. Which leads us on to the next subject ( that some might consider boring) of setting boundaries.
Boundaries are necessary in all parts of our lives, no less so for erotic massage. That’s so it can be the best possible.
Failure to discuss boundaries, or to communicate what you’re feeling, and being uncomfortable with something, can ultimately lead to dissatisfaction.
Doing effective, dedicated erotic massage means working in our stretch zone. We have three, principal zones:-
- Comfort Zone = where we’re happy to be
- Stretch Zone = where we start to feel uncomfortable, even challenged
- Panic Zone = where we really dread being, or where we feel totally uncomfortable, and out of control.
These zones gradually morph over time. As children, we’re constantly pushing boundaries. We do that to see what we can get away with. To learn what our parents expect from us, what would not be allowed, and what would be. Ultimately this guides our social, work life, and personal life, and everything related to it. Certain situations we’re faced with, might cause us to be forced into: either a stretch zone, or a panic zone.
The comfort zone is where we believe we feel we’re at our happiest. However, often, to progress in career opportunities, or to become stronger emotionally, we need to enter our Stretch Zone.
Our Stretch Zone could be a bit like this scenario:
You’re asked to do a presentation on a certain subject, in front of an audience of co-workers, or people you don’t know. You’re in your stretch zone if you’d find this possible, and could, at a push, do it.
You’d be in your panic zone, if you felt you were unable to do it at all. Your pulse might going through the roof, with panic setting in. and you’re maybe try and do everything, to avoid being in such a situation.
It’s human nature, and how some of us cope with certain situations, and others cannot, and freeze, go into fight or flight, or shut down completely.
During erotic massage, both you, and me, are quite vulnerable. Having intimate touch from someone you don’t know can be daunting. Remember, too, that I often find myself, during massage, being put frequently in my stretch zone.
There are occasions when, as therapists, we can feel ourselves heading toward our panic zone. This is usually triggered when someone ill-mannered, presumptuous, or entitled, thinks they have the right to ignore the boundaries that have been set.
It can turn what could be a wonderful massage, into a struggle, bordering on being a fight. This makes work extremely demanding.
From experience, and my own observations, such people are very rough, heavy-handed, and, indeed, often quite brutal. Slapping, groping, expecting a therapist to engage in sex-acts with them. This is neither desirable, nor respectful. It’s actually everything but. It also happens to be illegal.
This has been mentioned on my website already, so I won’t go into it in too much depth here. Suffice to say, I have no contractual obligation to be touched, unless I desire it.
As John Cleese always said, “Always one, isn’t there?”
One, who has no respect for boundaries another person has set, or those a masseur sets. One who believes he’s entitled to totally disregard all the rules. The false belief he has a divine right to force himself, or his will, upon someone else. Even without consent.
Such a person has no right to do this whatsoever.
The best erotic massage is had by those who follow the following list of points:
- Close your eyes
- Keep your hands by your side
- Don’t move your hands unless I move them
- Make lovely, long, resonant sounds on your out breath
- Tune into the rhythm of the music
- Relax your ass
Close your eyes:
Closing your eyes is obviously optional. However, when your eyes are closed, you will notice heightened sensations over your whole body. Not only will it add more mystique to it. It will amplify every, beautiful, sensation. That’s because you will have no idea of where I’m likely to touch you next. The anticipation can be incredible, and will make your massage feel as though you are in heaven.
Relaxing is really the essence of allowing me to give you the most wonderful, unhurried and delicious touch. If you are distracted, thinking about doing other things, rather than settling to let me do my job, then you’ll lose focus on all your beautiful sensations, and your enjoyment will be reduced.
Keep your hands by your side:
This is by far the most comfortable way to be when I’m doing your massage. If you choose, you can put your hands by your head, depending on how your mood takes you.
Don’t move your hands unless I move them.
Just for clarity, I use magic glue. In other words, I move your hands if I need to. Other than that, they say where they are, and never move, unless you wish to be more comfortable. They don’t touch me at any point.
Breathing is singularly the most simple way to achieve some amazing benefits from having your erotic massage. Take huge, big lungfuls of air, right down intro your tummy. Breaths that are known as diaphragmatic breaths. They allow you to flood your body with oxygen, and will give you powerful feelings of enjoyment from the erotic massage.
Using your diaphragm correctly while you breath helps keep you relaxed and calm. The diaphragm is attached to a central tendon, which goes up and around the connective tissue round your heart. Breathing deeply in this way has profoundly effective effects of reducing stress, because, in a way, it massages your heart.
This, in turn, keeps your whole central nervous system in a state of great calmness. Remember, when you are very calm, your body is under less stress, because of reduced levels of the stress hormone, Cortisol.
Make lovely, long, resonant sounds on your out breath
When you make long, resonant sounds, on your out breath, it helps keep you breathing beautifully throughout your massage. Long, resonant sounds ( like you’re singing “Ahh,” or “Ohh,”) will also add to the pleasure you are experiencing.
Making sounds is fundamental to your erotic massage really taking you places. If you stay quiet, that’s entirely fine. However, you’ll enjoy it way, way more, if you resonate on your out breath. It’s self-expression without limits. Quite delicious.
Resonating is a way of expressing your feelings. If you can remember, when you were younger, trying to masterbate quietly ( so that nobody knew what you were up to )! You probably remember the resulting orgasm being quite disappointing. Conversely, by being very vocal, you turn the tables on that.
It’ll give you an absolute banger! You’ll blow your mind. But don’t take my word for it. You only have to watch the video. 🙂
Tune in to the rhythm of the music:
Tuning in to the rhythm of the music helps give you a focal point, which isn’t hard and fast; it’s just another thing in an armoury of tools you can use to help you keep in control of your body, especially if you think you’ll explode too early.
Don’t feel you have to be completely still. Moving your body to the rhythm of the music during your massage will help you enjoy it far more. We don’t do nearly enough of that!
Relax your Ass:
Relaxing your ass will help you to relax your whole body. Our asses are one of the epicentres which are the first to become very tightened and tense, especially if we’re anxious about anything. Letting your ass relax, by shaking it, squeezing your ass cheeks together on your in breath, and relaxing it on your out breath, make a huge difference to the sensations you feel.
It’s also excellent exercise for your pelvic floor muscles. I always encourage men to squeeze their ass cheeks together nice and tight. It’s not only to give me a lovely view, it greatly enhances your pleasure when I’m doing massage on your butt. 😉